Nate is home.

We spent 4 days in the hospital this time. They found that he had a clot in his other leg. They are still unsure of why his heart rate is so high. They are hoping that it is from the antibiotics and that it will go away now that he is not on the medicine. The infection is all cleared up and he is no longer on antibiotics. The brain scan came back great! Dr. Douds said that he is very pleased with how well his scan looked. He gave the ok for Nate to be started on blood thinners. They put him on Lovenox and Coumadin. They hope that the Lovenox will get his INR level back up to where it needs to be and then the Coumadin can maintain it. He will be on blood thinners for at least 6 months. I have to give him a shot in his stomach for 6 days and hopefully no longer than that. Home health is coming every day to take his blood.

We had our planned Thanksgiving lunch  at the Garrard house which was yummy. I made a plate for Nate and took it up to him. He was sound asleep so I took a nap on the other bed. Some of Nate's family came up to the hospital later and it was fun to visit with everyone. They released him on Saturday night. It was very difficult getting Nate into the house from the car. He just did not have the strength to walk and his leg was hurting so bad. I had to get the computer chair and push him into the house because he couldn't walk. It was sad.

He is doing ok now. His legs are the biggest problem right now. I have been trying to get him to walk because the doctors and nurses say that is what is going to help him. He is doing good and trying to walk a little every day.

I have had a few rough moments in the last week or so. It is sometimes so hard to take care of Nate and the kids and myself. I know Nate feels bad that he can not help with the kids but I know he is doing what he can. This will pass and we will be ok.

And we're back...

Nate went to his follow up appointment yesterday and they ended up sending him back to the hospital. We spent most of the day yesterday in the ER having tests done. They were concerned that he had a clot in his other leg and possibly that the previous one had moved to his lungs. They were also concerned that he could have an infection in his heart due to the pic line being in there for so long. His heart rate has been so high and it shouldn't be. His resting heart rate is around 120 and it goes up to 160-170 when he stands up. They did an ultrasound on his heart and an EKG and everything looked ok. They did a chest xray to check his lungs and there was no clots. What amazing blessings!  They admitted him to the hospital so they could check his other leg for clots and do a few more tests on his heart to try to find out why it is going so fast.

Dr. Douds came in and said they would do another scan of his head today and see if everything looks ok and then they could put him on some medicine for the clots. They were concerned that it was too soon after the surgery to do that but he feels like it has been long enough that it should be ok.

So, it looks like we will be spending thanksgiving at the hospital. It's a bummer deal but I know that is where he needs to be. I am so thankful for the doctors and nurses who are there to take care of him. I am thankful for medicine and tests that can be done to find the problem. I am most thankful for Heavenly Father and the Savior. I know they are in charge and have a plan for us. Sometimes it is hard to see what benefit could possible come from something like this but I have already seen so many blessings in my life that I wouldn't have realized if this hadn't happened.

I love all of you and thank you all for your love and support. I hope that everyone has a Happy Thanksgiving!!

Today was a rough day for me. I woke up and felt so tired from the night before. We are still having to do the IV antibiotic every 4 hours so I have to wake up, prepare the medicine, hook it up to Nate and then wait for 30 minutes for it to drip into his iv. It is hard to do when it is 2am and I feel tired. I have been trying really hard to be patient and for the most part, I have done pretty good except for today. I guess it is normal to feel burnt out once in awhile.

I spent the morning trying to get an appointment with a primary care doctor set up for Nate. It was more than frustrating trying to deal with the doctors office and the insurance. The insurance kept telling me something different than the doctors office and it was causing me some grief. The nice lady at the doctors office finally just scheduled the appointment for me because she could probably tell that I was about to break down in tears.

Nate is doing ok. We had to go back to the hospital on Saturday because his left leg was swollen so bad and he was in a lot of pain. They did an ultrasound on his leg and found that the clot was still there which is what was causing the swelling and pain. I was worried for a minute that they might admit him again. I was not looking forward to that. We spent a few hours in the ER but then they sent us home. While we were there, we saw a family who had just been told that their family member had died. It was so sad to hear them crying and screaming and it really put things back into perspective for me about how lucky we really are that Nate is still with us. I pray that family can find the peace they need during this hard time.

He is still having some leg pain and now his right leg is hurting from carrying all the weight when he walks since he can't put any pressure on his left leg. They tell us he needs to walk more but it hurts so bad that he doesn't want to. We both know that walking will help him regain his strength and is the only thing that is going to help at this point. They have done all they can do for the clot.

We continue to be amazed at everyone and the love and support we have received. I am so shocked that people are so generous and it has softened my heart. It has made me want to be a better person and I hope someday I can do for others as others have done for us during this tough time. I wish I could personally thank everyone who has helped but I don't know of everyone. There have been many strangers and people that only know us because they know someone else in our family. I will write a post about it some time when I can think of the words that say how I truly feel.

I am glad it is night time and look forward to the morning of tomorrow. Like my previous post, every dark day ends and the sun shines again. That is what I am looking forward to and sometimes that is all we can do.

What I have learned...

It has been one month, today, that Nate had brain surgery. I would have never imagined that my life would include something like this. I have been changed as a person, a wife, a mother and as a member of the church. This entire experience has made me want to be a better person. I look at people differently now. I hope that I can continue to use this experience for the best and continue to learn from it. I feel if I let this experience pass and not let it change me then I have let many valuable lessons go to waste and I do not want that to happen.

I learned new things everyday. Some were good and some were bad. Some were easy and some were hard. I kept track of things that I learned and want to share some of them on the blog.

-People care. I was more than amazed and what people did for us. From the moment Nate and I arrived at Valley Hospital, we had people calling, texting and checking in on us to make sure we were ok. There are a lot of good good people in this world.

-You some how find the strength to carry on even when you don't think you can. I was surprised by how I was able to carry on even when I didn't think I could physically or emotionally. The strength just seemed to always be there.

-It is possible to miss someone even if you are sitting right next to them. I learned this because I sat next to my husband everyday, sometimes all day but I felt so lonely and missed him terribly.

-Pray works. I think this is why I was able to continue on everyday. I felt the strength of every ones prayers and they are what got me through. I know everyone prayed for Nate to be ok and I truly believe it helped.

-Valley hospital has a really delicious cafe. The beets on the salad bar are yummy and the onion rings are so good!

-It is possible to love complete strangers. I found myself feeling so much love for the doctors and nurses that helped Nate. I didn't know these people, they didn't know us but they cared about us and I love them for that.

-It is ok to cry. It really is and it is ok to cry hard. You can't always be happy and that is ok.

-Bathroom stalls are really great places to cry. Get it all out, pull yourself together and get back out there.

-You have 2 options...turn against the Lord or turn to Him. I was told this once by a bishop of mine and I have always used it in situations. This was no different. I knew I needed the Lord and could not get angry towards him.

-Family is everything. Enough said.

-It is ok to tell the doctors to speak to you in a way you will understand. There were a few times the doctors would come in and ramble something off in doctor terms and I would simply say, ok, now can you please explain that in a way I will understand. They are nice and understand.

-Technology and modern medicine is amazing. What a blessing to have such amazing doctors and nurses that do what they do. They literally went in to Nate's brain, opened it up and saved his life. How awesome is that!?

-It's ok to take a break from the hospital. Sitting in the hospital everyday gets hard. It is ok to say you need a break and go home.

-Parking at Valley hospital sucks if you get there after 10:00am.

-The power of the priesthood is real and I am SO thankful for it.

-Heavenly Father loves us even when times are tough. Never ever forget that.

Home sweet home

Nate is home and doing ok. He is having some back pain which is bothering him alot but other than that, he is doing good. He does not have much energy and naps alot of the day. Home health nurses came and taught me how to administer the 2 antibiotics that he is still on. One is given through his PIC line every 4 hours and takes 30 minutes to complete. The other is just a shot of the medicine given through the line but only takes 3 minutes. He will be on them for 10 days. It might be a long 10 days considering I have to wake up a few times during the night to give it to him. It's like waking up with a new baby! He is up for visitors and it would probably be good for him to get out of bed. If you want to come over and don't know where we live, email me for the address. stac3031@yahoo.com

Trying to stay positive

We spent yesterday at the fundraiser and I spent the night up at the hospital so didn't get a chance to blog. The fundraiser was awesome! I can't even begin to thank all those that came and supported our little family. Thank you. I have more I want to say about that but it will be in a post coming soon.

I spent all day at the hospital today. Nate slept alot of the day and I actually got cozy on the other bed and had a good little nap myself. He seemed sad today and when I asked him why, he told me that he is just so tired of being in there and wants to go home so bad. We had been told that they would be doing a scan today but when I asked the nurse, she said that it is scheduled for tomorrow morning (Sunday).

We are really hoping that the scan does not show any swelling or fluid but I am worried because he was starting to get a bad headache tonight. If there is swelling or fluid, Dr. Douds will be called back in to discuss what to do at that point. They will either put in another drain or do a shunt. We really don't want either and are praying for good results tomorrow.

I am worried that the scan will show something but I am trying my hardest to stay positive.

The innocence of a child

My sister in law, Erin, has spent the entire day today baking her famous cinnamon rolls for tomorrows fund raiser. She sent me this text earlier tonight and it made me laugh. It is a conversation she had with her 5 year old daughter, Brooklyn.

*A little explanation first... we thought had Nate lost his cell phone awhile ago while he was still in ICU. We found it luckily but apparently Erin had told Brooklyn about Uncle Nate losing his cell phone.

Erin: "Do you guys know why we're selling all these cinnamon rolls?"
Brooklyn: "Because Uncle Nate needs a new phone!"

Erin let her know that we had found Nate's phone and that he's got more to pay for than a phone!

This made me laugh. Sweet Brooklyn.

Results

The doctors came in today to talk to us about the results of the spinal tap yesterday. They said they were able to culture the fluid and could tell that the infection had gotten a little bit worse than before but that his white blood count was still low which means the body is still trying to fight the meningitis. They have switched the antibiotic and hope that it will do the job. The doctor said that when the spinal fluid gets infected like this it is sometimes hard to treat because this type of infection is resistant to many of the antibiotics that they normally use to treat infections. The brain surgeon and infection doctor both seem to think that the fluid on his brain that showed in the last scan is coming from the infection. We are all hoping that is the case. If that is not the case and the fluid is being caused by something else, they will have to put in another drain which we DO NOT want. Having that drain in his head made it so much harder for him. He couldn't get up and walk or couldn't adjust when we wanted to. It was very uncomfortable for him. We are praying that once they get the infection cleared up then the fluid will go away.

So what's the plan from here...
Do another spinal tap to check the infection and another scan to check for swelling and fluid. They said they will do in in 48 hours. Not sure if that means 48 from the first test or 48 from today.

Nate seemed much better today. He seemed in good spirits most of the day but did seem a little down tonight when the kids called him. It made him sad that Gus kept asking him if he could come home. I know he wants to be home so much and it makes him sad when Gus asks him to come home.

Mindy, the speech therapist, came in today and had Nate do some exercises to get his brain thinking. He did a good job and she said that he has come a long way since the first time she worked with him. There are still things that need improvement but they seem pretty confident that Nate will heal completely and his mind won't be affected. His short term memory is probably the most noticeable change. He just can't remember much about what goes on from day to day. Sometimes I say something about someone coming to visit and he has no idea that they came. So, if you have come to visit him and he doesn't remember, don't take it personal. :)

I think it is ok if people stop by to see him now. I think he would like to see his friends. He is room 370. He is still in isolation, which means that you must wear a gown and gloves when you are in his room. There is a set of drawers outside his room that has the yellow gowns and gloves. Please put them while you are visiting him and no children are allowed. Please keep your visits short and if he is sleeping then please come back later. I know he would love to see his work buddies and it would probably make him feel good to see all of you.

Thank you all again for your love and support. Your actions have not gone unnoticed. We are so thankful for all of you and wish that someday we could let you all know how much it means to us. Thank you from the bottom of our hearts.

I brought the isolation stuff home so the kids could see what we have to wear when we visit Dad. They loved putting it on and playing doctor.

And we stay another day...

Nate was doing well this morning but by noon, he was complaining of a headache. They took his temp and it was 99.4 degrees. I left for awhile and his brother Dave stayed until 4:00pm. When he left, his temp was 100.9 degrees. I came back around 6:00pm to sit with him. It was hard for me too see him tonight because he was not talking to me and I am not sure if he even knew I was there. The nurse came in just before 7pm and I asked if the scan they had scheduled (they wanted one final one before he left)had been done. The nurse told me yes, it had been done and that something had been found but that she couldn't tell me what and that I would have to wait for the doctor to come and tell me. I was so upset because that I would have to wait! It felt like the beginning all over again. I knew I wouldn't be able to wait to talk to the doctor. I was a mess! Luckily, Howard (nate's dad) showed up at the right time and it helped calm me down. Howard called Dr. Douds and left him a message to call us.

The nurse came in around 8pm and took his temp and it was 103.4 degrees. That really concerned her and she left to go call Dr. Mallela (the infection doctor). She came back in with ice packs and medicine to give him in hopes of lowering his temp.

Dr. Douds called us soon after and told us the results of the scan. He has some fluid building up in the ventricles of his brain. They say it could be from the infection and plan to do a lumbar puncture in the morning to draw some of the fluid out to test it. They will decide from there what to do.

His temp right now is 101.4 degrees.

Come on temperature!

The doctors have informed us that if Nate's temperature stays where it needs to be for 48 hours, he can go home! They just took it and it was 98.6 degrees. Let's hope it stay that way! We will keep you updated.

Bittersweet

When I got to the hospital today Nate was sitting up and seemed happy. Dr. Khilnani came in and gave Nate the go ahead to move to a different room. It was a bitter sweet moment as we said goodbye to him and his team of medical students. I shook his hand and he hugged me. It made me cry because I have really come to love the nurses and doctors that have been with us. Dr. Khilnani is such a funny doctor and was always giving Nate a hard time. He was always making us laugh and it was nice to have on those days when we just needed a little humor.

Dr. Khilnani and his team of med students

The day went well as we anticipated the move to the new room. We waited and waited and it never happened. Nate started to get a headache around 6pm and he had a fever of 100.4 by the time I left. I went back around 9:00 and his head was still hurting. He was still in ICU. I only stayed with him for a half hour or so because he wanted to sleep. I want these fevers to stop. He had gone 36 hours without any fever but for some reason it came back. I hope he feels better tomorrow.

The nurse called me around 10pm and said they had moved him out of ICU and into a regular room. I can't wait to go see him tomorrow and check out the new room.I know we are one step closer to coming home but I am not sure why it seems so hard to leave the people in the ICU. I think I might actually miss them a little.

good news

I got to the hospital yesterday and Nate was asleep. He seems to do that a lot these days :) Dr. Kilnani came in to check Nate because he has been complaining of a headache and neck pain. The were concerned because every time they would lift his head, he would say that his neck hurt. He didn't have any of the other signs associated with meningitis (the infection he has) but they wanted to do another scan to check for fluid. The nurse came in to get Nate for the scan and we could not get him to wake up. Every time we would talk to him, he would open his eyes a little and then close them again. They got really concerned that something was going in his brain because he would not respond to us. They were not sure if it was because of the meds they had given him earlier or if there were issues brewing in his brain. They took him to scan and I anxiously waited. He told me when he got back that he could hear everything we were asking him but that he was just so tired.

The scan came back perfect!  There was no swelling or fluid at all. It was such a blessing! He gave us a little scare but everything is fine. He is doing well, talking and laughing and playing Angry Birds so we know something must be going right. :)

Good Good Day!

When I got to the hospital this morning, Nate looked and sounded so good! There was just something about him that was different than we have seen in the last 2 weeks. He was acting more like the Nate I know and it made me happy. They took him for another spec scan at 11. His dad sent me a text around 7 tonight saying they didn't see any signs of spasms on the scan!! Dr. Douds had been in earlier and said that if the scan was good, they would probably move him to a regular room. I am so happy with that news although I think I might actually miss the nurses in the ICU. I have come to love them and I appreciate all they have done for us. I have more I want to say about them but I will do that in another post. I am going to call it a night because I am tired.

Today was a good good day. Much needed and I am so thankful for it.

Roller coaster of emotions

What a day. I arrived at the hospital around 11:30 am today. I let Zoee sleep in because I knew she was tired and I know she is feeling the stress of everything. She slept until 10:30! The poor girl was exhausted. I dropped her off then went down. Nate was asleep when I got there. His mom told me he had spiked a fever around 9:30 that morning. They took him down for a scan and everything looked ok. Dr. Ali came and told me that his white blood count was down to 14.4 which is a big drop from yesterday which is good. The white blood count is how they can tell if the infection is still there. They said once it gets down to 11 then it is normal. His fever would break and we were happy then it would spike again. They are not really sure why. He was very lethargic all day today. It was a roller coaster of emotions.

Dr. Douds wanted to take the drain out today with the possibility of having to put another one in but the tube actually fell out on its own. I would like to think it is his bodys way of saying, ok...i am done with this. I don't think that's the case though. Dr. Douds did come in and took the stitches out of the incision and had to put a few stitches in where the drain had been.

So where do we go from here? They will do another scan tomorrow to check for spasms and the fluid level; at that point they will either have to put another drain in for a few more days to see if the drainage will control itself, they will have to put a permanent shunt in his brain which will always drain the fluid for the rest of his life or they will find that everything looks ok and he can be moved to another room with hopes of coming home soon. We obviously want the third option but know they need to do what is best for him. Keep your fingers crossed and pray, pray, pray!